8 days?

So now i've got 8 days until the rest of my life. Puhaha. i wonder if i'm stressed. i've been tired lately and my mind has been mush. Is this what it's like? i don't want to say i don't like studying because that would imply that all this is something i really hate, so i suppose it's more appropriate to say that all this studying is a means to an end. An end that's going to take its sweet time in coming, but an end that i genuinely would like for my own reasons.

8 days until I find out if my plans are feasible. If my entrance into dental school will be likely, a stretch, or a resounding "hell no" from the admissions committees at all the schools where i applied. i have a pretty tough year (for my time-addled mind) ahead too since i'm actually trying to graduate. Only... 7 years later than originally planned. Woe is me.. blah blah. i'm not complaining. Just... explaining.

8 days until I can breathe a sigh of relief.. or cry from remorse. i seriously can't study more than i have. Theoretically it's possible i could study more... i mean, i'm blogging right now when i could be reviewing ochem reactions or chemistry equations or biology factoids, but here i am. type type. So we are the sum of our choices and experiences and events and emotions. i am. We'll see how it goes.

In other news, there is no news! i think i've learned more biology in the last couple of weeks than i have in my entire life. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's funny how i feel like i've gotten older and i've grown wiser, but in the end i always find that i wish i could go back and change pretty much anything and everything. Very little i can look back at and say, "Damn, i did that so well it couldn't have been done better! i win!" Never. i can rationalize why i did what i did and feel better about it, but that's mostly for my own good..... i guess i'm lucky i don't dwell on those things too much. Har har.

So i'll see you in a few days. i'll post my results because i'm open like that. Maybe.

If you have emotional baggage, do you...

a). throw it out of the train,

b). stow it in an overhead compartment,

c). shove it into someone else's lap, or

c). open it up, and carefully caress and cuddle all of the items inside

i don't have dreams frequently so i don't often understand what the hell they mean especially when they are fairly realistic (i.e. no flying and no aliens). Like are the emotions from the dream grounded in some subconscious reality? Do i really care that much or do i take it at face value as a fanciful dream where emotions can take the same drastic turns as physics can in the dream world.

Lately i've been kind of stressed. i don't know what's going on around here. People don't seem to understand that if you haven't done anything to me and it looks like i'm avoiding you, then it's not on purpose. But if i don't call you to hang out, then it probably means there's some stress involved with hanging out. i'm in what i like to call a "stress-free zone" right now. This zone is much more stringent than those smoke-free zones where you can't like smoke in a bar or within 100 feet of a door or something. The only thing i have room for violating this sanctum is the nasty, ugly DAT man who likes to torment me.

Wow, that was nonsense. Anyhow, if you're always the victim, then something must be wrong with you, right? It's within reason for others to expect you to love hanging out with them even though they stress you out, right? That you have this incredibly important test coming up that will just about determine if you can do what you want to do, and the true important thing is their feelings since they're incapable of keeping their mouth shut, right? How silly of me. Silly silly silly me. rage.

So a lot has happened in the past year. Coming to California has been a blessing and a curse. Maybe Cali is the blessing and i may be the curse.

Anyway, less than 2 weeks until the big day. Frankly, i'm ready for it to be oooovvvverr. And fyi, i hate test prep books. i kind of like this whole learning thing that's happening (like i'd much rather learn about the human body than .... TCNOs, computer networks, communications platforms), but it's completely taken over my mind. Maybe that's why the colorful dream sat in such stark contrast to the barren graveyard in my mind where biology factoids come to die. Blergh.

Just remembered i had a dream.

It was some weird mock interview for dent school. FML.