Positivity

Lately i've been in a funk. i feel like i'm coming out of it. Like one of these little yellow flowers that are outside of the house. Every day i leave and they're all closed up and when i get home they're open to the sun. They never die apparently either. They just continue the cycle. Open, close, open, close. Constantly surviving (which shouldn't be too difficult since it's always the same here - hot or almost hot).

And so that's how i will be. This actually reminds me a lot of the first quarter when i had analytical, ochem, and physics kicking my butt. Now i have 3 sciences again and i forgot how much it sucks. i have a bad feeling this is going to be normal for the next couple of years as i catch up to where i should be in my sciences. i'll graduate with like 250 credits. Yay for being super educated.

So coming to terms with everything was tough and slow and maddening, but here i am. Hopefully i'm not just happy for now because i'm typing on my new macbook pro (which is awesome, btw).

But on a side note i've been disturbed by this trend. i'm not really one to harp on how much respect i need or being disrespected or whatever. i've had periods in my life where i snap to reality and i realize, "hey, something isn't right. Being nice is cool, but it's resulting in a lot of crap being dumped on me." i had that awakening when i was in high school and lugging some girl's bag while she talked it up with my archnemesis. i had it when my younger brother thought it was funny to push me for no reason. i had it recently when a series of events made me doubt the esteem i held for certain friends. It's a very peculiar process too. i mean, i am friends with people for a reason. i'm done hanging around with douchebags for the sake of hanging around with.. someone. i respect my friends for all their great qualities, not all the crappy ones that i know they have. If their pros are > than their cons, they're a friend. But what if that balance tilts and all i see is the ugly? How long are you supposed to wait? How much do you just let go? Well, i let go. i know that the most recent my-friend-sucks epiphanies were a little exaggerated. There have been a lot of things in life causing me to evaluate and re-evaluate the way i deal with people. In some ways it's sad i've had to resort to cutting certain people out, but i do think it's worth giving people chances.

Which leads me to another confession of sorts with a sub-explanation. i'm going to have surgery in June to remove a growth in my face. i'll be happy. i think it's been the cause of some disorientation and nausea i've been having randomly over the last couple of weeks. It's some sort of tumor, but of course the doctor couldn't tell me what it was. Or more like sucky LabCorp (which charges you 225 dollars for them to tell you it's "inconclusive"). On a side note, LabCorp is so full of crap i can't even begin to get into it. They don't have any semblance of customer support. They only have phone numbers and the online access is crap. i hate them. i should've footnoted that. Anyway, i'll be glad when it's out. Just in time for me to study for my DATs. Huzzah. i'll keep the blogger world posted since posting that kind of stuff on Facebook seems too.... pity-mongering.

So the reason i mentioned that also within the context of this post is that maybe all that nausea and stuff has been making me a little short-tempered. i'd like to think i'm more in control of my emotions and stuff, but when you feel like the world is spinning and you're about to throw up.. you don't really feel super awesome and friendly. But yeah, the respect thing still applies though. Dynamite is still gonna blow no matter how short or long the fuse. Don't take the long fuse for granted. Wait, that makes like 75 percent sense...

So, a positively neutral post. i approve.